Motherhood Is Testing Me
I have so many other drafted blog posts, but none of this importance. I don't share much of my day to day, but rather a snippet of what I want others to see of my life. I haven't entirely shown an accurate representation of the last 48-72 hours with Kamille. Just to lay it all out there for ya, I think I may be actin "cool" on the outside when I'm literally screaming with sadness and exhaustion on the inside.
***WRITTEN 4 HOURS PRIOR... Currently I should be taking a nap, because Kamille is napping IN HER CRIB for the first time in 3 days. But, instead I need to write all this down because otherwise it will be on my mind and linger until I share. To give you guys a little background on the last 72 hours... Kamille is teething, which yes, is already hard. The pain of cutting a tooth, the casual fever here and there and then drooling like a dog are just some symptoms we're dealing with. But, she also developed a few canker sores (from what the doctor said) from rubbing her tongue on her new teeth. It's caused her to start screaming when she tries to self soothe and suck her finger. Its caused her to not eat anyyyy solid food. Its caused her to literally become an entirely different baby. She has bursts of random anger because she doesn't understand why she's in pain, cries or whines constantly when she is just relaxing and wakes up every hour-two hours at night from discomfort .
I can't explain the amount of (idk if you'd even call it) sadness I feel. I am doing everything in my power to make her feel better (blending up her food, warm baths, snuggles, tylenol, orajel, antacid on the sore itself) but nothing is quite enough.
Which brings me into another topic.
Navigating through parenthood is so much different from when our grandparents did it, let alone our parents. I'm not talking about the logical things like "how to keep a baby warm or fed", but rather the general expectations from society, Being a "good mom" is drastically different then when it was in the early 1900's. What is a good mom? Ya know. I ask myself that daily. I question every activity, encounter, tendency; among a million other things.
I sweep and mop weekly, so that she has a clean floor to walk on (or lick). I grocery shop a few times a week so that she has fresh fruit and veggies and yummy snacks to keep her belly full. I sanitize carts, toys (a thousand other things) so that she doesn't always get sick. I pick up her toys so she can take them out again and learn more and more things. These are just some small things that I think of that make up a "good mom"
***CURRENT TIME... I have since then taken a step back and realized that sickness comes and goes and whats most important is that I am doing everything I am PHYSICALLY and MENTALLY capable of doing to help her feel 100. I think that's "what a good mom" should do. On a brighter note, Kamille is feeling better and we even stepped outside to go on a walk and play at the park.
Lastly, all that matters under my roof is not only that shes happy and healthy but that she laughs, gets my one-on-one undivided attention, and kisses EVERY SINGLE DAY.
I swear this is how she gives kisses