Kannon Daniel Kohlman
I feel as if this for many people could strike an emotional nerve if have gone through similar experiences. With that, I hope it brings you peace or you at least have a sense of not feeling alone in what you went through.
Them feelings were real. Them feelings were valid.
Wishing I had written some thoughts down a month ago, during the moments of really going through it but there was just no way.
HOW IT WENT DOWN.
April 2, at around 4 AM, couldn't sleep, felt cramping so I got my ass up and started filling Easter eggs with candy for Kamille in prep for Easter Sunday. By the time Danny and Kami had woken up, I was pretty sure things were moving along so Danny loaded the car and I had him drop me off at the hospital around 9 AM. He and Kami played at the park while I was admitted, they let me know I was 100% effaced and at a 3, I waited it out for about an hour and then went down to walk laps. They then checked me again and let me know I had gone to 4 cm and I'd be admitted to a room. Between 11am-3pm I was comfortable but contracting. Danny had dropped Kami off and was with me through it all at this point. I opted to get my epidural at 6 cm around 3:30. From there, things went quick. Really quick. I was numb, chillin really and sent Danny down to mediate the exchange of Kami from her friends house to her sitter, my nurse came in and started moving my legs around... She didn't say much, but then started really moving my numb, dead legs from side to side, lifting my bed, flipping my body from left to right pretty aggressively really and started talking to the monitor saying, "come on Kannon". From there, she said," Destiny, Its about to get really busy, 6-8 nurses are heading in here and I want you to just stay calm, can you call your husband back in". I have no service, Danny doesn't answer... another nurse looks me directly in the eyes and says give me his number. Within seconds, I'm detached from the machines, a nurses shower cap on and I'm being strolled down the aisle, looking up at the ceiling at hospital lights, nurses chins and signs to ICU. The OG nurse has my hand and tells me over and over, I know this wasn't the plan. I finally asked, what's going on, so confused, I kid you not, everything was within seconds... "am I getting a C-section?"
I'm wheeled in under a bright light, doctors and nurses all around me, a tarp put between me and my lower abdomen, medication being pumped through my IV and finally Danny heads in, grabs my head and tells me it's all going to be okay.
Within the time of the OG nurse coming to my bedside, flipping my legs and the first cry of Kannon entering this world. It was TWELVE minutes. 12 minutes of pure chaos. I can't even speak the thanks I could give to that nurse. She held my hand the entire time. They put Kannon on my chest and he was here and what I thought was healthy and perfect.
6 lbs, 11 oz and 21 inches long.
HOW'D NICU HAPPEN?
We had felt like we had started coming to terms with what happened with the birthing experienced as our few days in the hospital came to an end. We had started packing up our things for discharge and filling out paperwork. I was eh, healing but ready to head home and be in the comfort of my own space. Kannon was what seemed great to all nurses and staff. Mind you, the thousands of tests they do on newborns their first 48 hours is insane. His heart beat solid, his oxygen levels were at 100 and during every shift change, his breathing was a bit fast but nothing that any nurse seemed concerned over. I can't explain but, I felt like something was up. I didn't necessarily think something was insanely wrong but just different. I couldn't remember Kamille breathing so quick and irregular. I mean those holding breath moments here and there and the constant checking of your babies breathing patterns are perfectly normal as a new mom but Kannon's was off. Before we fully were ready to discharge I had asked the nurse on shift to have the pediatrician on shift check him out one last time, and she assured me irregular breathing patterns were normal but agreed to take him to the nursery to get checked out. She came back and said just calmly... you're right, he is breathing double to triple the normal breaths per minute so the doctor is ordering some labs and x rays. I immediately went to the nursery. Which, was full of babies. Crying newborns. No other moms were present. I don't know why or what. But, I walked over to Kannon as he was calm as can be and picked him up. The nurse then told me the x rays had been taken and it was time for an IV and a blood draw of 5 labs. Watching a full blow huge ass needle enter such a small little hand is one of a kind... The vein blew so honestly, thank god he didn't have an IV to stay which was the plan.
I waited impatiently in the nursery, holding him, bawling my eyes out for what seemed like hours, babies crying all around me. That, I don't know, it was a lot. Things running through my mind. The pediatrician explaining to me all possibilities at one point and my mind was blank. I couldn't hear a thing but ringing in my ears.
The pediatrician came back with the x ray, she talked about what was called pneumothorax. Kannon had two pockets of air, one in each lung. She talked about his admittance to the NICU, told me to gather my belongings from my room. My mind was pretty blank but I insisted on having all my questions answered. What is this, is this common, what now? She told me I no longer will be allowed to breast feed. He could have oxygen later but for now his oxygen levels are good, he will although be getting a feeding tube. Pneumothorax can go one of two ways. They can dissolve over time on their own but he needs to remain as calm as possible so they don't grow. And.. if they get larger, he would need them surgically "basically popped" and eventually oxygen to breathe. All in all he is working harder to get the oxygen he needs than a normal baby. A normal BPM is 30-60... Kannon was at 120.
I then gathered myself to what I could. Danny had been gone during all of this, getting Kami comfortable and the house ready for us to come home. I called him and told him I was packing up the room and wasn't leaving the hospital. At this time, I'm fully discharged to go home, but with Kannon being admitted to the NICU, there was no way in hell that was happening. It took me two days to even go home for an hour to shower. The thought of him having to technically "not cry", stay calm; really, think about this... a newborn, in my mind not allowed to get the littlest bit upset because these things would grow and get much much worse. I couldn't and wouldn't leave him alone or set him down to even peep. Which is also nearly impossible when he has wires all around him, he wants to breastfeed but is getting fed through a tube. Four days, three nights seemed like weeks in the NICU. Every night was different, every day was different. Around us, babies had been there weeks, even months. Families came and went. Kannon had the least amount of wires and tubes hooked up that could possibly be. Little tiny newborns all around us under lights, oxygen, IV fluids, feeding tubes. It takes a special person to work in the NICU, a special mom to have gone through it and come out not scarred. What is sleep? On a rocker or a twin size cement like mattress. When skin to skin becomes so comfortable, sleep seems possible, then a nurse comes in to tell you not to fall asleep with your baby. Stagnant air seems to make you feel sick. You have a toddler at home who needs you just as much as they normally do, time doesn't stop for you. Recovery from a C section means zero lifting, minimal walking among a million other things they tell you to not do. I put myself into a wheelchair the first few days not listening. Walking, pacing, lifting Kannon, moving bags, cleaning up my room, doing anything to make me feel sane.
Every day was a new X-ray, more blood work. X-rays came bright and early at 4 AM, the NICU Dr. came to chat at around 9 AM. I can't and won't forget the morning the doctor told us we were moving out of level 3 NICU to level 2 ( a less monitored, on the road to recovery and positive mood). He was so casual. He went over labs coming back normal, Kannon getting his feeding tube removed and casually said, "the x ray looks good". I said literally in awe, "WHAT? It's gone?!" He said, ya...they dissolved, like no big deal. I'm sorry, what? That's the reason we're in here... a celebration, a big announcement of it would have been nice.
That's about it though. I am now 2 months post partum, Kannon is 8 going on 9 weeks old an here I am still sobbing about this experience, in awe we all made it out okay. This experience has shaped me and made me. It follows me around everyday. It crosses my mind that anything to do with Kannon is due to his experience and time spent those few days. Who knows.
Children are rare gifts. They are fragile yet unbreakable at the same time. Two babies in our family sounds perfect. One of each. Two completely different kids. I'm thankful. Grateful. Alive. Well. Happy. Recovering.
Thanks for reading and again, if this is an experience you too can relate to; you know you're not alone in what you feel and how you felt it.